I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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