It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
