Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
