Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
