smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize