Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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