You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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