seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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