I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
