It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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