what day is it and did you see me today?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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