She is in my trunk
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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