Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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