i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
