I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
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they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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