dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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