Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
