i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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