I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
