Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
