dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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