I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
