so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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