Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
