You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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