It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
