my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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