Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize