her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
