I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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