my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Found your dick twin last night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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