woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
