my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize
