I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
