I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
