Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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