She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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