either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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