White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
