i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
