I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need water and some morals
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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