i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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