Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
