How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
