I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
