She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
