After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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