I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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