Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
