My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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