she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
