I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
