Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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