i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
