is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
