thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
