is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
