You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
