I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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