ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
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theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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