Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
