I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
