i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
