of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
