listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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