I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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