I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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