trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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