i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
